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Sometimes, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “detached from reality”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these times of heightened ego are typically followed by a “sudden low”, during which he feels overwhelmed and embarrassed about his conduct, making him especially susceptible to criticism from others. He began to think he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors on the internet – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. However, he is skeptical he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had independently formed that realization on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they feel feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people hide it, due to so much stigma around the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like pursuing power,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Although up to 75% of people found to have the condition are men, research indicates this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that women with NPD is typically appears in the covert form, which is under-identified. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” explains an individual who discusses her dual diagnosis on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I often enter self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Even with this reaction – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and accept input from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if my words are controlling, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures during development. “I’ve been learning over the years which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say during a fight because it wasn’t modeled for me growing up,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his GP, an assessment was arranged to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been referred for psychological counseling through national services (ongoing counseling is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the patient queue for 18 months: “They said it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a few individuals about his condition, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he explains. Each individual have come to terms with NPD and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the presence of online advocates and the development of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number